Since Jason’s funeral, I really haven’t let very many people know what I’ve been up to. The last couple of weeks I’ve checked my email and facebook messages on a regular basis. I love getting notes and messages, but I'm kind of at a stage right now where I haven't felt up to responding because don't know what to say. Plus, I kind of feel like my tear ducts are somehow connected to typing, and I don't want my laptop keyboard to end up waterlogged.
The week after the funeral, my sister stayed with me. We spent most of the week in and out of the office trying to get caught up, pay bills, and get everything in a place where I could leave it for a few weeks. A week later my sister needed to fly back to Korea from Omaha, so I ended up deciding to drive her to Omaha, so she could fly back to Korea without having to change her plane tickets. I spent about a week with my brother and nieces in Omaha, before making my way to my parent’s farm.
I am planning on returning to Tennessee either tomorrow or Thursday, depending on when my car is finished at the shop. My dad is planning on riding back with me and helping me make a plan to finish our house renovations. He will then fly home, but he is trying to bring a crew of people to TN to work on the house around Easter.
My longer-term plans include, taking one day at a time. I should to be back at work at CP on Monday. I told the Board of Directors that I plan to continue working at CP through the summer season, and I will reevaluate in the fall. While I am not quite sure how I will get through a summer with a baby and without Jason, I feel peace about staying on for the season. I’m not sure what is next for us, but at least I have some time to make some decisions.
Personally, I am doing as well as can be expected I guess. Currently, I think I am still in a state of shock and denial. Reality hits me in waves, but I have been trying to cope by keeping busy and surrounding myself with family and friends. Each day, seems to be getting harder instead of easier. I miss him so much. I just miss having my best friend to share the everyday moments of life. Several times, I have caught myself dialing his cell phone, to share a thought or ask a question. I think everything is really going to hit me when I get home and Jason is not there. I think subconsciously, I feel like I am on vacation, and Jason will be waiting for me at home. I can really use your prayers and encouragement these next few days.
Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers!
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