I used to like time changes until I moved to Tennessee and had a baby. I know we are supposed to like fall time changes because it means an extra hour of sleep, but I am not a fan! The last two mornings, Abigail awoke at 5:30 am. I know her internal clock says it is really 6:30 am, which means time to get up. However, the fact that my alarm clock says 5:30 makes me want to hurl it across the room, crawl back under the covers, turn off the monitor and pretend I don’t hear Abigail screaming for attention.
Not only do I dislike the way the time changes affect the mornings, I also hate the way they affect the evenings in TN. Crossville is the farthest east county in the Central Time Zone. That means that it gets dark an hour earlier in Crossville than it does in a town only 10 minutes away. Since the time change, it has been getting dark at 5:00pm. I know it has to get worse before it gets better. In December, it is pitch black outside by 4:15pm. For a girl who really likes the sunshine and playing outside, the fall time change is depressing.
Well, enough complaining about a change I can’t do anything about; let me fill you in on the many other changes in our lives. During the summer, I decided to continue working at CP for another year and make the move to Kentucky when the office moved this winter. I even found a house I liked in Wilmore and signed a contract. While this decision seemed to make a lot of sense, I have never had peace about it.
Several weeks ago, I was checking my email, when I discovered another Christian Camp in Texas was looking for a full-time Retreat Coordinator. Something about the ad resonated with me, so I decided to throw my name in the hat and see what happens. After filling out that application, I realized that I think that it is time for me to leave CP. As much as I love CP and know I have a lot to contribute during this time of transition, my heart just isn’t in it. Jason and I always ministered together at CP and is just isn’t the same without him. Plus, I don’t think it is healthy for me to go into the office and work all by myself for days and weeks on end. It is extremely lonely, and I need to work with other people right now. I need their passion and encouragement to rub off on me. I am tired of feeling the weight of CP on my shoulders, and I dread all the work and details involved in CP’s move to KY.
Truthfully, I feel bad that my commitment to CP is waning right now, but I think I need to take care of myself at this point. Lately, I can feel myself slipping back into depression. I am dispassionate, exhausted and apathetic. I miss Jason like crazy this month. My tears are coming more frequently instead of less frequently, and I feel like I am entering a whole new stage of the grieving process. I thought it was supposed to get easier with time, but it seems to be getting more difficult for me lately.
All of these doubts led me to cancel the contract on the house I was going to buy in Kentucky. I felt horrible going back on my promise, but I feel peace about the decision.
So what does this all mean? I’m not sure at the moment. After much prayer, I applied for a couple more camp jobs. I am also excited about one possibility that has come to my attention recently. In the meantime, I am planning on working at CP at least through the end of the year. I may decide to stay on and move to KY with the ministry in January, but truthfully, I think I will probably continue to explore other options.
I definitely covet your prayers right now, and if anyone has any ideas for my future, I’d love to hear about them.
Not only do I dislike the way the time changes affect the mornings, I also hate the way they affect the evenings in TN. Crossville is the farthest east county in the Central Time Zone. That means that it gets dark an hour earlier in Crossville than it does in a town only 10 minutes away. Since the time change, it has been getting dark at 5:00pm. I know it has to get worse before it gets better. In December, it is pitch black outside by 4:15pm. For a girl who really likes the sunshine and playing outside, the fall time change is depressing.
Well, enough complaining about a change I can’t do anything about; let me fill you in on the many other changes in our lives. During the summer, I decided to continue working at CP for another year and make the move to Kentucky when the office moved this winter. I even found a house I liked in Wilmore and signed a contract. While this decision seemed to make a lot of sense, I have never had peace about it.
Several weeks ago, I was checking my email, when I discovered another Christian Camp in Texas was looking for a full-time Retreat Coordinator. Something about the ad resonated with me, so I decided to throw my name in the hat and see what happens. After filling out that application, I realized that I think that it is time for me to leave CP. As much as I love CP and know I have a lot to contribute during this time of transition, my heart just isn’t in it. Jason and I always ministered together at CP and is just isn’t the same without him. Plus, I don’t think it is healthy for me to go into the office and work all by myself for days and weeks on end. It is extremely lonely, and I need to work with other people right now. I need their passion and encouragement to rub off on me. I am tired of feeling the weight of CP on my shoulders, and I dread all the work and details involved in CP’s move to KY.
Truthfully, I feel bad that my commitment to CP is waning right now, but I think I need to take care of myself at this point. Lately, I can feel myself slipping back into depression. I am dispassionate, exhausted and apathetic. I miss Jason like crazy this month. My tears are coming more frequently instead of less frequently, and I feel like I am entering a whole new stage of the grieving process. I thought it was supposed to get easier with time, but it seems to be getting more difficult for me lately.
All of these doubts led me to cancel the contract on the house I was going to buy in Kentucky. I felt horrible going back on my promise, but I feel peace about the decision.
So what does this all mean? I’m not sure at the moment. After much prayer, I applied for a couple more camp jobs. I am also excited about one possibility that has come to my attention recently. In the meantime, I am planning on working at CP at least through the end of the year. I may decide to stay on and move to KY with the ministry in January, but truthfully, I think I will probably continue to explore other options.
I definitely covet your prayers right now, and if anyone has any ideas for my future, I’d love to hear about them.
2 comments:
Hey Joy!!
1. I really dislike the time change too. I don't feel like I gained an hour of sleep (so that doesn't seem like an upside to me) and it gets dark earlier. Ugh. I do not look foward to the winter.
2. I think you should feel at peace, and if CP in KY isn't it, then that's fine. Sometimes if something is going to kill your passion, I don't think it's worth it.
We will be praying for you. God will work out all things according to his plan.
Sometimes I worry myself thinking I'll make a wrong decision and screw up my life, but then it's comforting to remember God is in control of all things and we can't screw it up...He is bigger than we are.
Love you,
meredith sims
You could always move to CO! You will definately be loved here!
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