Holding Pattern

Have you ever been on a flight where you are almost to your destination, and you end up stuck in a holding pattern. You're flying around in circles until whatever is holding up the process clears and you can safely land. You think about taking out a book or starting a conversation with someone next to you, but it seems kind of pointless. You know that shortly you'll have to put away your book or end your conversation, so you doubt that it is even worth the effort. Your mind skips ahead to the moment when your plane lands. You know you will be busy hitting the bathroom, finding your luggage or your connecting flight, figuring out your transportation or wondering if the person meeting you will be there when you arrive. Then your mind jumps even further ahead; you begin to think about your vacation/business meetings/homecoming. As you fly around in circles, you have nothing to do but think, plan, wondering and worry. You're not sure how long you will be stuck in the holding pattern. It could be two minutes or two hours...you just don't know.

Right now, my life feels like it is stuck in a holding pattern. I know that in a few weeks or months I will be packing up my whole life and moving. At this point, I'm not 100% where or when, but I know a flurry of activity is on the horizon. In the meantime, I'm feeling kind of lethargic and apathetic. It seems ridiculous to get involved in anything new or spend time pouring energy and effort into new friendships when I know I'm going to be leaving soon. I don't think I should start packing because the house is still on the market, and I don't want to try and keep it clean and organized while living out of boxes. While I know there are tons of little things I could and should be doing, I don't really want to do them. So I fill my days with my solitary work routine, playing with Abigail and keeping the house picked up. I should pick up a good book, but I don't want to have to think; I just want to be entertained. Therefore, I watch too many movies and lay around the house way too much. As I sit here waiting with nothing to do but think, wonder and worry, I hope I don't get into a pattern of spending my whole life wondering about the future and forgetting to live in the moment.