Elephant In The Room

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends. Even though she is one of my best friends, she commented that she felt like there was an elephant in the room whenever she talked to me. If you are unfamiliar with the expression, "elephant in the room" refers to a situation where something major is going on, it's on everyone's mind and impossible to ignore -- like an elephant in the room. But nobody talks about the "elephant" because nobody knows what to do about it.

Recently, I've gotten that feeling from a lot of people, including my closest friends and family. A lot of people tend to feel awkward around me. They don't know what to do or say, and they don't want to risk saying or doing the wrong thing.

I guess I am writing this blog to acknowledge the fact that I understand you may feel a bit awkward around me, and you may not know how to respond to me. Since everyone tends to approach grief differently, here is some advice on how to handle me right now.

• For the most part, I'm not overly sensitive. You don't need to agonize about every word you say to me. If you happen to say something that strikes me the wrong way, I understand that you don't mean to hurt me.


• It is okay to ask me questions. I'll tell you if I don't want to answer you.


• I love to get emails, phone calls, and letters. I am highly encouraged by them. Right now, I'm usually not up to responding, or it may take me a while to respond. However, please know that all of your thoughtful words are greatly appreciated. (Getting mail is one of the highlights of my day!)


• It is okay to mention Jason when you are talking to me.


• I hate it when people give me that long kind of awkward sympathy stare.


• I am also not a big fan of extra long hugs from people I don't know very well. However, I do love hugs from friends.


• Please don't send me text messages on my phone. I have to pay $.2o for every text message. I'd rather you call me, or shoot me an email or facebook message.


• I tend to do most of my crying and deep mourning when I am alone. I seldom cry when I hanging out or talking to friends.


• Some of my friends have been hesitant to share what is going on in their lives with me because they don't want to burden me with their issues or make me feel bad if they are having a great time. Truthfully, I want to hear what is going on with you. If you call me, I will often ask you to tell me about your life. I crave to hear stories about everyday events. It gives me hope that someday, life will take on some sort of normalcy for me. Plus, I actually like having time when I don't have to dwell on me and my issues.


• I've have been quieter and more withdrawn lately, but I still like to be around people.
  
• I covet your prayers!

I'm sure there are more things, but it's late and my brain isn't functioning very well. When in doubt ask me. I hope this helps you better understand how to communicate with me. Thank you for hanging in there with me even if the elephant in the room can make it a bit awkward at times.

Speaking of elephants in the room, here is a picture of an elephant that was in the room with me earlier this evening. (Note the pajamas)