Before Remodeling

Tilt-A-Whirl Life

Have you ever ridden on a tilt-a-whirl at a fair or amusement park? At first glance, a tilt-a-whirl looks like a tame ride, especially in our world of crazy six-story roller coasters. Sometimes to throw you off, and make you feel secure, they make cars in innocuous shapes like teacups. However, if you’ve ever ridden one, you know that as the ride revolves, certain sections of the platform are raised and lowered causing the cars to spin randomly. You never know which way your car is going to spin. One minute you could be spinning one way, and the next minute you're spinning like crazy in a completely different direction. Unlike the predictable roller coaster, every ride is unique as you whirl chaotically.

The last few weeks and months my life has been one gigantic tilt-a-whirl ride. I feel like my world has been spinning faster and faster, and as soon as I finally adjust to a spin pattern, all of sudden I’m careening in a completely different direction at breakneck speeds.

Since everything is whirling by so quickly, here are a few bullet point highlights since my last real update on August 28th.

• I signed a contract on a house in Wilmore, KY. I am supposed to close on November 15.


• Abigail turned one, and we had an impromptu party in Wisconsin with some of my college friends.


• Abigail is still not walking, but her butt scoot is hilarious. (See video below).


• I survived my 5 year anniversary, by working myself to exhaustion finishing all of my landscaping projects.


• I frantically finished up most of the projects around the house, and officially put my Crossville home on the market last Wednesday.


• Abigail had her first horseback ride, and she loved it. Hopefully, I'll have a little horse-lover on my hands.


• My friend Jenna is living with me. She is Abigail’s nanny while I am at work. While I love Jenna and all of her help, it is taking me a bit of time to get used to sharing my home again.


• Some days I am excited about my new home. Other days I regret spending more money than I planned to spend on a larger home than really wanted.


• I got to see some of Jason’s best friends when I was in Wisconsin. I was a little apprehensive about it, but it turned out to be so good for me just to spend time with people who know and love Jason.


• We spent a whirlwind weekend and Jason’s mom house in North Carolina. Abigail was spoiled rotten by her Nana, Aunt Jessie and Cousin Tyler.


• I think I have gained about eight pounds due to stress, poor eating, and lack of exercise.


• While I was at a wedding, I caught this nasty, super-contagious flu bug, which I brought home and spread to Jenna and one of my friends. (Unfortunately the bride and groom also caught the bug.)


• I bought a new bedspread and finally moved back into the master bedroom. It is sooooo good to be back in my own bed again.


• I went my first wedding in a river, and I have to say that it was probably the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever attended.


• If you call me, Abigail might say “hi” and “bye-bye” to you. She is starting to get the hang of talking on the phone.


• I am excited about my new house being across the street from a park within walking distance of most everything in town.


• I’ve decided that rich, disrespectful, private school eighth graders and not my favorite.


• Abigail has started throwing all of the food she doesn’t want on the floor for Samson.


• Over Labor Day Weekend I went to four picnic/potlucks in three days.


• I’ve started making my bed every morning…it actually feels good and makes me more motivated to keep the rest of the house tidy.


• White Chicken Chili is one of my comfort foods.


• I’ve been keeping myself so busy lately that I haven’t been taking much time to think, process, and mourn.


• Last week, I thought my car with 180,000 miles died for good. Thankfully, $133 and new speed sensor later, I am back on the road again. However, I am still kind of shopping around for a more dependable, lower mileage car.


• I hate being in a huge office all by myself for days on end, so I have started working from home once or twice a week.


• Abigail’s favorite phrase is “Oh Yeah!” She probably says it 100 times a day.

Whew! That was a lot of random bullet points. However, I think my tilt-a-whirl life should be slowing down slightly next month. Although with my current house on the market and my impending move to Wilmore, perhaps it just a short calm before whipping me in another direction.

Butt Scootin' Baby

Even though Abigail is now a year old, she is not yet crawling. However, she is getting around by scooting on her butt. I think it is hilarious, so I decided to post a little video for those of you not able to witness her antics first hand.

Birthday Girl

Post Vacation Slump

Well, I am back from a two week vacation. I spent the first week in Phoenix hanging out with a couple of my cousins. Overall a pretty relaxed week. Most of our time was dedicated to swimming, holding the new baby, and watching Olympics. My cousin Angie and I also found the most amazing coffee shop, so every day we walked 3 miles to get our coffee fix. Nothing earth shattering happened, but it was great just to relax with family.

Week number two we flew to Denver and spent a whirlwind trip visiting college friends and my Aunt Carolyn. Once again nothing major happened, but it was just good to be with good friends. My time in Denver was more difficult, because I was seriously missing Jason. Jason and I met in college in Denver, so even though we didn't date at that point, I still have tons of memories of him. Probably the most difficult day was the day, I stopped by CCU, my old college campus, and said hello to a few people I still know seven years later. I was constantly thinking about Jason.

My time in Colorado really made me miss living out west. I love the Rocky Mountains, and I think I would like to live out there again someday. I'm not sure if I will be able to afford it, but I think that I might start pursuing some job opps out west in the near future.

Abigail and I flew home on my birthday, because Tuesday is the cheapest day to fly (and my Dutch heritage keeps me a thrifty as possible.) It pretty much sucked (pardon my language, but I can't think of a better word) to come home to an empty house on my birthday. I have never been a huge birthday person, but Jason knew how much I secretly like people to make a big deal about holidays so he always did something to spoil me and make it super special.

I think the thing that made me the most depressed about coming home was the fact that when I woke up on Wednesday morning, I looked out in my backyard and discovered that while I was on vacation, someone started clearing the lot behind my house. I am no long surrounded by trees. Soon my beautiful new windows will overlook an ugly spec house, and it won't even feel like I live in the woods anymore. Grrr... (I know I am selling the house anyway, but I still hate it!)

Truthfully, vacation was great, but coming home is so hard, I'm not sure it was worth it. Being home makes the reality of life and its responsibilities hit me. Everything is changing so fast, and I am not sure I am ready for it.

For those of you who don't know; let me bring you up to date. This summer Confrontation Point (CP)hired a new Executive Director, Andy Bathje, to replace Jason. As part of the hiring process, the Board of Director decided to move CP's headquarters to Wilmore, KY where Andy currently lives. While the decision was complicated, it is a great opportunity for CP, and I believe that Andy will be an great leader of the ministry. However, it sucks for me. I either need to uproot my whole life and move to Kentucky, or I need to quit working at CP and figure out what is next for me. Either way, it involves a major life change for me.

After some prayer and a lot of practical reasoning, I decided to continue working at CP for at least one more year and move to Kentucky for now. I originally thought that the transition would happen slowly over the next six months to a year. However, things seems to be moving more quickly than anticipated. In fact, I am going to Wilmore, KY over Labor Day to start looking for a house.

The other day one of my friends commented that I am strong, independent, and I seem to be fine with the craziness of my life right now. The truth is I really am not okay. I am pretty much overwhelmed by everything. My parents still live in the same house where I was born and Jason and I kept our possessions to a minimum until we moved into this house, so I have never done a big whole house move before. I'm not really looking forward to it. In addition, I'm not too excited about starting over again. I am not the most open and social person, so it takes me a while to open up to people and make close friends. In fact, I lived in Crossville for four years before I really started to make friends and feel at home here. (While I want to believe that I am little miss adventurous world traveler, I kind of feel paralyzed by the thought of moving and the whole process of buying, selling, and moving houses not to mention moving everything for the ministry).

Okay, this post is kind of disintegrating into fear and complaining, so I should stop before everyone is as depressed as I am at the moment. If anyone is actually still reading this, I could definitely use your prayers the month of September. I think it is going to be and extremely difficult month. I will be finishing up a few things, and putting my house on the market. It is also a month of special holidays and traveling. Next week is Abigail's 1st Birthday, and Sept 20th would have been Jason and my five year anniversary. In addition, I am attending three weddings this month, and also visiting Jason's mom for the first time since the funeral. When I am home, I will be working alone at the office, since Andy is mostly working from Kentucky and we currently don't have anyone else on full time staff. I am also mourning the fact that I was originally planning to quit working and stay home will Abigail starting Sept 1st. I've got lots of stuff on my mind, so if I happen to cross your mind this month pray for me.

Vacation Photos

Standing Up

I am not planning to turn this blog into just pictures and stories about Abigail, but I don't have time to give the full update on me at the moment. However, today Abigail stood up by herself for the first time. Grandma and Nanny are far away, so they need to see pictures.