Okay here's my big news...Monday, I received an acceptable offer on my Crossville house, and I am the process of signing a contract with the potential buyers. Thankfully, the offer was not from the people with the three-week time frame, so I am looking at a closing date around December 15. That gives me one month to figure out what is next and make a move.
While having a contract on my home is a bit of a relief, I definitely have mixed feelings about it. After I found out about the deal I came home and balled my eyes out. I've always known this day would come, but now that it is here it is still difficult.
Jason and I put so much time energy and effort into this place, it going to be hard to leave it. We never planned to stay in this house; it was always going to be our fix it up and sell it for a profit house. (Unfortunately with the crummy market, the profit is not as much as I'd hoped for, but sometimes you just have to take what you can get.) Plus, I don't really want to stay in Crossville, so I know I have to sell the house.
Part of the reason I'm so on edge about the sale is because I don't know what is next or where I will be living in a month. I know I am needed and wanted at CP, but I feel lonely, tired, frustrated and burned out CP. The thought of moving my personal life alone with all of the work of moving the ministry to a new state is daunting and exhausting. I'm not sure I have the energy, drive and passion to thrive in such transition.
I have also been waiting to hear back about a few other job opportunities. I applied to two camps in Texas. One is definitely out, and I haven't heard anything from the other one. I'm not too hopeful. I also was really excited about another job op in CO, but I recently found out that while there is still a slim chance, it looks like they are planning to move in a different direction. (I was pretty bummed about it, but once again, it wasn't completely unexpected.)
Several friends have offered to open their homes to me while I figure out where I want to go, and what I want to do next. I'm extremely grateful for their offers. However, I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the idea of quiting a full-time job with somewhat flexible hours, tons of vacation and benefits where I know I am wanted and could be extremely helpful during a difficult time. It seems crazy to step away from that into unemployment or part time work while living indefinitely with friends or family. Accepting one of my friends' offers has the potential of being a time of healing and rest, but the uncertainty of moving with no job or concrete plans seems foolish in these uncertain economic times.
I think a lot of it comes down to pride and self-sufficiency. I want to be a mom who can financial take care of her family and provide a stable, loving home. I am not sure I am ready to take a leap of faith into the complete unknown at this point. While I know I have friends and family who will support me and take care of me if I need them to, my pride makes me hesitant to be dependent on them when I know I could take care of myself and Abigail. (Pride rears its ugly head...)
I know God is still on His throne and has a plan to give me hope and a future. However hope seems far away, and I am having a hard time discerning which direction to turn at the moment. I know it is not realistic, but I want a smooth, paved road with flashing neon lights.
All this to say....I'm thankful that I have buyers for my house, and I'm still uncertain about the future but leaning towards moving to KY with CP because I feel like the other doors are closing.