Answered Prayer

For those of you who keep up with my blog, you probably know that I quit my job last week. As of January 19, I was planning to be homeless and jobless. However, that may be changing. Yesterday, I received a call from my friend Tim. He works at Cross Bar X Youth Ranch in Durango, CO. We have been talking about the possibility of Cross Bar X hiring me to work to work in their office, develop their off-season retreat program, and work with their horses among other things. Basically, they want to create a new position to handle many of the tasks that their current team doesn't have the time to handle. However, they need board approval to create the position. Yesterday, Tim informed me that their board approved the position and they are flying me to Durango for an interview the first week of January. If everything goes well, I hope to be able to move my stuff directly from my house in TN to Durango in mid January, and start work at Cross Bar X by the end of Jan. I will be able to live in a house on the camp property and work full-time for the ministry.

This is a huge answer to prayer!!! I need to be out of my TN house in mid-Jan. I was kind of planning to put my stuff into storage and move in with my parents until I could figure out what is next for me. Now, it looks like I may be able to transition to the next step of my life a little bit easier and more smoothly. Praise the Lord and thank you for your prayers my friends!!!

Stress, Procrastination and Cute Pictures

This year, I discovered that when I am under stress, I tend to procrastinate. When my to do list seems overwhelming, instead of tackling it, I do something else (or nothing at all). I know I am moving in slightly over a month, but since I'm still not exactly sure how or where, I haven't started packing. I know I am going to be living out of boxes for a while, and I don't want to prolong the boxes. In the midst of all of the turmoil in my life, I long for stability, so I've been pretending everything is normal instead of preparing for change. Case in point, this weekend, I played with Abigail, bought and made Christmas presents, sat in front the fire, and watched Christmas movies. I wasted a lot of time!

As soon as I found out I could stay in my home 30 days after closing, I put up my Christmas tree and nativity set. I know I should have skipped it, especially since we are not even going to be here for Christmas. For me decorations are a sign of celebration and stability, and I decided that was more important than packing and organizing. I have to say that I am enjoying my decorations. I'm thankful that my friends Jenna and Katherine helped me set them up because I think I would have blubbered through the whole process if I had to do it alone. Plus, I got some super cute pictures of Abigail "helping."

Homeless and Jobless

On Monday morning, I took the big plunge and submitted my letter of resignation at work. As of January 16th, I will no longer be employed by CP. After almost 7 years of pouring my heart and soul into the ministry, I know I'll miss it. However, I think I made the right decision...I hope. For a few of you this may come as a shock. For those of you that have been in contact with me recently, you know I've been wrestling with my next step.

While the internet is probably not the best place to go into all of my reasons for resigning, here are a few of the main ones:

• CP is just not the same without Jason. As long as I have been at CP, I've been serving with Jason, and it breaks my heart that he isn't here.


• I have lost a lot of my passion and vision for CP. While I still love the ministry, I just don't have the energy, passion, and vision to move forward.


• The office is moving to a Wilmore, KY about three hours away. If I want to stay with CP, I will need to move as well. I know that my days at CP are numbered, so it seems ridiculous to move my life to Wilmore, only to have to move again in eight months.


• The shear work involved to move operations from TN to KY before next summer seems overwhelming and intimidating to me. I'm already exhausted, and the big push of the move has not yet happened.


• Since Jason died almost a year ago, I've had to jump in and take over the reins to keep the day to day operations going. I have been so busy keeping things rolling that I don't feel like I have had time or space to really deal with my grief.


• Since my only coworker lives in KY, I have been working all alone in the big empty office the past four months. It has been lonely, discouraging and depressing. I rarely see another person all day long, and I don’t think it is healthy for me to be alone so much right now. I need to be surrounded by other people and feel like I’m not alone in every aspect of my life. I desire to be part of team working toward a common goal.


• I believe that CP will be better off, if they find passionate, energetic people to take my place.

So now you are probably wondering what my next step is. The truth is that your guess is as good as mine. I have a few potential job situations. I am really excited about one possibility, but realistically it might now pan out.

In the meantime, I need to be out of my house in TN on Jan 19th. At this point, I’m planning to put most of our stuff in storage and move in to my parents’ house temporarily until my next step becomes clear.

This was an extremely difficult decision for me. I wanted to be able to step directly from one job and house to the next, but I guess life doesn’t always work out the way you hope. While I am grateful that I have family and friends to fall back on, it is a blow to my pride.

I know I am in a unique and temporary situation. I still struggle with the fact that I am almost 30 with a child in tow, and I am moving back in with my parents. I haven’t lived with my parents since I was seventeen. Financially, I could rent an apartment or house, but it seems foolish to waste the time and money when I have no idea when and where I am going next.

I usually consider myself a fairly adventurous person, but with all of the trauma and transition I’ve had to face in the last year, I am craving stability, security and routine. Instead of moving in that direction, my life is becoming more unstable, less secure and anything but routine. What a wild, crazy, ride! I’m holding on (to God) for dear life.