Well, I am back from a two week vacation. I spent the first week in Phoenix hanging out with a couple of my cousins. Overall a pretty relaxed week. Most of our time was dedicated to swimming, holding the new baby, and watching Olympics. My cousin Angie and I also found the most amazing coffee shop, so every day we walked 3 miles to get our coffee fix. Nothing earth shattering happened, but it was great just to relax with family.
Week number two we flew to Denver and spent a whirlwind trip visiting college friends and my Aunt Carolyn. Once again nothing major happened, but it was just good to be with good friends. My time in Denver was more difficult, because I was seriously missing Jason. Jason and I met in college in Denver, so even though we didn't date at that point, I still have tons of memories of him. Probably the most difficult day was the day, I stopped by CCU, my old college campus, and said hello to a few people I still know seven years later. I was constantly thinking about Jason.
My time in Colorado really made me miss living out west. I love the Rocky Mountains, and I think I would like to live out there again someday. I'm not sure if I will be able to afford it, but I think that I might start pursuing some job opps out west in the near future.
Abigail and I flew home on my birthday, because Tuesday is the cheapest day to fly (and my Dutch heritage keeps me a thrifty as possible.) It pretty much sucked (pardon my language, but I can't think of a better word) to come home to an empty house on my birthday. I have never been a huge birthday person, but Jason knew how much I secretly like people to make a big deal about holidays so he always did something to spoil me and make it super special.
I think the thing that made me the most depressed about coming home was the fact that when I woke up on Wednesday morning, I looked out in my backyard and discovered that while I was on vacation, someone started clearing the lot behind my house. I am no long surrounded by trees. Soon my beautiful new windows will overlook an ugly spec house, and it won't even feel like I live in the woods anymore. Grrr... (I know I am selling the house anyway, but I still hate it!)
Truthfully, vacation was great, but coming home is so hard, I'm not sure it was worth it. Being home makes the reality of life and its responsibilities hit me. Everything is changing so fast, and I am not sure I am ready for it.
For those of you who don't know; let me bring you up to date. This summer Confrontation Point (CP)hired a new Executive Director, Andy Bathje, to replace Jason. As part of the hiring process, the Board of Director decided to move CP's headquarters to Wilmore, KY where Andy currently lives. While the decision was complicated, it is a great opportunity for CP, and I believe that Andy will be an great leader of the ministry. However, it sucks for me. I either need to uproot my whole life and move to Kentucky, or I need to quit working at CP and figure out what is next for me. Either way, it involves a major life change for me.
After some prayer and a lot of practical reasoning, I decided to continue working at CP for at least one more year and move to Kentucky for now. I originally thought that the transition would happen slowly over the next six months to a year. However, things seems to be moving more quickly than anticipated. In fact, I am going to Wilmore, KY over Labor Day to start looking for a house.
The other day one of my friends commented that I am strong, independent, and I seem to be fine with the craziness of my life right now. The truth is I really am not okay. I am pretty much overwhelmed by everything. My parents still live in the same house where I was born and Jason and I kept our possessions to a minimum until we moved into this house, so I have never done a big whole house move before. I'm not really looking forward to it. In addition, I'm not too excited about starting over again. I am not the most open and social person, so it takes me a while to open up to people and make close friends. In fact, I lived in Crossville for four years before I really started to make friends and feel at home here. (While I want to believe that I am little miss adventurous world traveler, I kind of feel paralyzed by the thought of moving and the whole process of buying, selling, and moving houses not to mention moving everything for the ministry).
Okay, this post is kind of disintegrating into fear and complaining, so I should stop before everyone is as depressed as I am at the moment. If anyone is actually still reading this, I could definitely use your prayers the month of September. I think it is going to be and extremely difficult month. I will be finishing up a few things, and putting my house on the market. It is also a month of special holidays and traveling. Next week is Abigail's 1st Birthday, and Sept 20th would have been Jason and my five year anniversary. In addition, I am attending three weddings this month, and also visiting Jason's mom for the first time since the funeral. When I am home, I will be working alone at the office, since Andy is mostly working from Kentucky and we currently don't have anyone else on full time staff. I am also mourning the fact that I was originally planning to quit working and stay home will Abigail starting Sept 1st. I've got lots of stuff on my mind, so if I happen to cross your mind this month pray for me.
